It was far from over. I was so far from being done with. This circle will never end. It was a sadistic, cruel, immense and above all powerful and crushing way of teaching me a lesson. Will my time ever collapse and my body unbound ? After all these years, I think I am ready. My sins forgotten, my past invisible and The Murderer gone. Will I be set free to step into the light, to break the chains of Fear and Death ?
Back.
The abbey was burning. The walls were burning. The corpses were burning again and again. The smell of putrefaction and blood was everywhere. Rot. Now I find myself with the others, defending the ruins of Monte Cassino. It was the 10th of February. The chronicles of the future were going to say that 1,400 tons of bombs were dropped on this area here on the 15 February. Only five days left. Of course I`m not allowed to stay that much. Every time I`m taken away on the morning of 15. Twentieth “Battle for Cassino” for me. I wasn’t able to change anything all those last times, and now I was sick of it all. I was burning inside like Icarus in the skies. All these men. And the fact that I cannot help any of them. My brothers-in-arms. They all had their own Pistolen Maschinengewehr, those heavy and ancient P.M.s and some grenades for clearing the Allied troops from their holes. In the no man’s land poison and gases were blinding everybody stupid enough to search there for valuables through the bodies of the dead. My Parabellum pistol was hanging at my belt. Some fighters were taking their dogfight higher and higher in the infernal sky. Hell. At my left and right – Hell. On the surface of the earth – Hell. Look up, look around, find Hell. The Americans were singing that old song: “My bonnie is over the ocean, My bonnie is over the sea, Bring back, oh bring back my bonnie to me…” What a fool I’ve been. The Murderer will never go from my side. All the deaths, all these unimaginable crimes are taking their toll now. I am The Murderer and forevermore will be. It was far from over.
Forth. (more…)
