Week 12: Time – A Question of Vengeance ?

27 Feb

It was far from over. I was so far from being done with. This circle will never end. It was a sadistic, cruel, immense and above all powerful and crushing way of teaching me a lesson. Will my time ever collapse and my body unbound ? After all these years, I think I am ready. My sins forgotten, my past invisible and The Murderer gone.  Will I be set  free to step into the light, to break the chains of Fear and Death ?


The abbey was burning. The walls were burning. The corpses were burning again and again. The smell of putrefaction and blood was everywhere. Rot. Now I find myself with the others, defending the ruins of Monte Cassino. It was the 10th of February. The chronicles of the future were going to say that 1,400 tons of bombs were dropped on this area here on the 15 February. Only five days left. Of course I`m not allowed  to stay that much. Every time I`m taken away on the morning of 15. Twentieth “Battle for Cassino”  for me. I wasn’t able to change  anything all those last times, and now I was sick of it all. I was burning inside like Icarus in the skies. All these men. And the fact that I cannot help any of them. My brothers-in-arms. They all had their own Pistolen Maschinengewehr, those heavy and ancient P.M.s and some grenades for clearing the Allied troops from their holes. In the no man’s land poison and gases were blinding everybody stupid enough to search there for valuables through the bodies of the dead. My Parabellum pistol was hanging at my belt. Some fighters  were taking their dogfight higher and higher in the infernal sky. Hell. At my left and right – Hell. On the surface of the earth – Hell. Look up, look around, find Hell. The Americans were singing that old song: “My bonnie is over the ocean, My bonnie is over the sea, Bring back, oh bring back my bonnie to me…” What a fool I’ve been. The Murderer will never go from my side. All the deaths, all these unimaginable crimes are taking their toll now. I am The Murderer and forevermore will be. It was far from over.


1999 it`s not such a bad year after all. I really enjoyed the ’90s… well, without taking into account the Time-Lapses and all the new world. I guess my English improved a bit, my French clearly didn’t. Germans usually don’t speak a very convincing French. Well, I don’t care anymore. I just want to live, banished or not. Cursed? I think I`ll never know. But now we celebrate the coming of the New Year and all’s fine. My friends are with me and they are intelligent enough not to ask too many questions. Where I go and what I do. And how come I know so many practical things. About killing. They say that the 21st Century will be the best of all. I hope so.  The 20th was abominable.  And all those wars that followed WW II. I really didn’t thought we were that stupid. Fucking russians! All that hate, cold hearts, oppression, dismay… And for what?

To think that Vengeance chose me for its own purposes. Or to punish, torture, doom me. Future will allow mankind to endure. On and on and on. Again and again. Never… never ending.


Shots over my head. Screams over our heads.  Now the english  were attacking with all their man-power. Not enough strenght. Artillery over my head. Run, shoot, kill, run, throw, kill, run, burn, kill, run, cut, kill, run, wound, kill, run, chop, kill, run, hit,  kill,  run, aim, kill. I ran only to be brought back. Again and again. No time to breathe, only to choke. No time to think, only to die. No time to ease the pain, only to make it worse. Kesselring should be proud:  we stood our ground, kept our positions. English dogs! You will lose. Even if you win, you lose. I saw the future. Everybody lost. The Murderer, the body-count, the monastery exploding, grave over graves, the dead killed four-five times a day. A place that cannot be described in words. It was far from over.This circle will never end.




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